By Merlin Bell
Premise/synopsis
Stranger in my own life goes into a story of a man who ran from himself, family, and dreams. He went through career hiccups, spiritual turmoil, and broken dreams only to find out everything he needed was where he left. Only when someone accepts their fate can one person truly living. In this seven-part series you will delve into how living your way is not always the best way.
Why: Discussing trauma and life experiences. This is important because it highlights who we are, our purpose and what we would like to do in life. Through narration you will hear different stories from different subject areas of a person’s life through their life perspectives.
Disclaimer: Though these short stories seem like nonfiction, they are in fact purely fiction. These short stories have a hint of realism, but nothing more than that. Be warned that this story as well as the next few stories may trigger the reader.
This was written to give the reader a perspective of a young black man as he reflects on his past in order to move forward into the future. This is to help create meaningful dialogue about being black, especially a black man in America.
2. Blood- Letter to Mom
Dear Mommy,
It is going on 5 years since we’ve last spoken. The last 10+ years of attempting to have a conventional mother and son relationship haven’t gone exactly as planned, but I hope wherever you are you hear this. I first want to start off with saying thank you. Thank you for being the anchor in my life for the first 15 years. We didn’t have much, but you were always able to turn a little into an abundance. I still don’t know how you were able to maneuver so much with all the adversity you were going through with family, past traumas, and your mental state with dealing with 3 growing children. You made a way though.
I was and still am to a certain degree scarred by how you raised me. For a long time, I thought how I was raised was normal. From running to house to house to witnessing domestic abuse through a 7-year stretch that happen every night or every other night. Seeing police arrest you destroyed me. Seeing police till this day still creates anxiety and fear for me because I know that it associates with a time in my life that I don’t want to remember, yet it still sticks to me. How you selfishly stayed with a man who you weren’t in love with. For what?! You said this to us a while ago, but you stated that you stayed for the kids. The kids?! I would have gladly had you two divorced after the first fight let alone enduring 7 years of abuse from your ex and you. I still remember him telling you that I was too feminine and discouraging you to let me see a potential male member of the church who was trying to be a mentor to me. I know that you tried to defend me, but I felt alone in your house, especially since he wasn’t my father, nor did I have any biologically siblings. I felt it.
Besides the domestic abuse between the two of you, how you disciplined me I’ve learned as an adult was not productive for my development. I understand that you wanted us to be the best we can be but the excessive physical disciplining to your will created an issue when it came to any form of authority. I realize since I couldn’t talk to you, being able to clearly communicate with people both professionally and personally has been a struggle for me for a long time. The saying that your development starts at home really rains true in this case.
Final thing I want to say is that I love you. I didn’t always agree with your methods, but because you did what you did, I’m able to be where I am today. This was not to degrade you, but to finally talk candidly about my thoughts about my upbringing. Since we are not able to functionally communicate because both of us need to have the final word, this is my way of getting my narrative across. This is also not an attempt to rekindle or reach out to you because I realize and understand that some things including certain relationships professionally and personally are best left in the past. It doesn’t mean we don’t have love for one another, it means that we are on different paths and must continue to move forward. Thank you, mommy, for all that you done. Your boy is alright.
To be continued...
Note from PIFF
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About the Author
Merlin Bell is the founder and CEO of Poplar Institute for Film. Merlin is a creative professional, who has offered experience working in content management and production leveraging a passion for culture and the arts. He has a BA from Denison University in Theatre and a MA from Fontbonne University in Theatre. He has worked in several nonprofit arts and culture organizations as an actor, creative activist, and educator.
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