By Merlin Bell
Premise/synopsis
Stranger in my own life goes into a story of a man who ran from himself, family, and dreams. He went through career hiccups, spiritual turmoil, and broken dreams only to find out everything he needed was where he left. Only when someone accepts their fate can one person truly living. In this seven-part series you will delve into how living your way is not always the best way.
Why: Discussing trauma and life experiences. This is important because it highlights who we are, our purpose and what we would like to do in life. Through narration you will hear different stories from different subject areas of a person’s life through their life perspectives.
1. These Walls- Prologue
Walls are definite things, immovable and strong. They may provide us with safety, but just as often they are symbols of entrapment. My walls are similar. My walls are both mental and emotionally walls. These walls you cannot see, feel, or touch. Instead, these walls have been built over time due to circumstances that were or were not in my control. CONTROL. That’s an interesting word that I will be touching on throughout this story, but right now the topic is on walls. Walls helps us distance ourselves from anyone or anything that may come and invade our comfort zone. If you want to play it safe, using a wall to protect your mental and emotionally wellbeing is probably the right choice. For me, I’ve used a wall for most of my life. At this point, it’s comforting and safe. It’s a blanket that I can nestle up in like a cocoon and then when I deem it safe open.
Opening up has been a struggle for me, since childhood, I’ve learned to keep my true emotions and mental state at bay. Or maybe it was the way certain people around me excessively disciplined me to submission or putting kids in their place instead of teaching them individuality or independence. What do I know though? Maybe it’s human nature? Maybe it’s a fucked-up curse that’s been passed down on certain black and brown families that have not been cleanse yet. I don’t know. Walls.
Some are probably already thinking to yourselves, damn! For a person who said they had walls up, you’re pouring a lot of yourself out before the story even begins. Wrong! And fuck you for being that selfish and uncomfortable. I’ve lived in a PC matrix lifestyle before the Matrix or being PC became trendy, but I’m getting off that train and creating the life that suits my spiritual, mental, and physical journey. These walls that I’ve kept up for 29 years helped to a certain degree, but it hindered my growth in a multitude of ways. As you the reader continue this journey with me at your own risk, you will see how and why these walls were developed. Hell, some of you all might relate to similar situations. This journey we’re going on together is food for thought. Not that edible food, no. Food that will stimulate one’s mind.
Lastly, childhood is said to be the portal of one’s life and choices that they make well into adulthood. Certain characteristics that we often don’t think twice about may come from behaviors that you saw as a child, and it’s rippled into adulthood. Before you judge me look at my past then ask.
To be continued...
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About the Author
Merlin Bell is the founder and CEO of Poplar Institute for Film. Merlin is a creative professional, who has offered experience working in content management and production leveraging a passion for culture and the arts. He has a BA from Denison University in Theatre and a MA from Fontbonne University in Theatre. He has worked in several nonprofit arts and culture organizations as an actor, creative activist, and educator.
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